


Tears in Heaven

by jjoseparkers



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, M/M, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Songfic, song: tears in heaven
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-05-07 08:45:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19205923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjoseparkers/pseuds/jjoseparkers
Summary: If the dead became the forgotten somehow to someone, would Thor - the one very much alive, but possibly dead inside - become the forgotten to his dead lover too?





	Tears in Heaven

**Author's Note:**

> find me @parkersjjj : https://twitter.com/parkersjjj on twitter or https://pxrxchute.tumblr.com

When Thor realized he had lost Loki forever, he was blind with rage – he wanted vengeance.

Because Loki wasn’t just his step-brother – no – Loki was definitely more than that. He found love in Loki. He found himself in Loki. He finally found out why he wanted to be  _worthy_  so badly – because he believed he would be able to protect  _his_  beloved Loki – he could have.

Thor blamed himself.

Because Loki sacrificed himself to save Thor – stupid, stupid Thor.

Thor decided he was  _no longer_ worthy – or maybe he  _never was_ in the first place.

 

 _Would you know my name_  
_If I saw you in heaven?_  
_Would it be the same_  
_If I saw you in heaven?_

 

Thor asked himself what it would be like if only he had one more chance –  _just one more chance_  – to meet Loki in heaven. Everyone said that someday Thor would get over it and the memory of his beloved’s death would fade away – not completely – but it would.

But Thor couldn’t help, but wondered; would Loki forget about Thor as well?

If the dead became the forgotten somehow to someone, would Thor – the one very much alive, but possibly  _dead inside_  – become the forgotten to his dead lover too?

Would Loki forget about him as his spirit lived on in heaven?

 

 _I must be strong_  
_And carry on_  
_‘Cause I know I don’t belong_  
_Here in heaven_

 

Thor kept his sadness to himself. He still stood tall and fought back. He would remain as strong as he possibly could because he was the King – he couldn’t show any weakness.

But his heart had been broken into millions,  _millions of_ pieces when Loki died.

A part of him – a big part of him – wanted to follow Loki into heaven, so he could be with his loved one again. He had lost his father and his mother. He had nothing else to lose. He was sure the Asgardians would be fine without him anyway; Valkyrie could have replaced him anytime and he knew she would do the right job – she was always the right person to lead.

But heaven was no place for him – not right now.

 

 _Would you hold my hand_  
_If I saw you in heaven?_  
_Would you help me stand_  
_If I saw you in heaven?_

Thor wanted to know how Loki would even react if they could ever –  _ever_  – meet again.

Would Loki laugh at him? Or would Loki embrace him like he had always done when they were alone together?

Would Loki tell him to stop mourning about his death because Thor had better things – more important things – to do?

Thor realized he wouldn’t care what Loki would do anyway – Thor just wanted  _so badly_ to see the love of his life once again – just  _once_.

 

 _I’ll find my way_  
_Through night and day_  
_‘Cause I know I just can’t stay_  
_Here in heaven_

 

Thor found his way – he found a new role to his life; he left the Asgard to Valkyrie and he carried on with the Guardians instead.

But there was  _never_ a day went by that Thor hadn’t thought of Loki.

Thor kept so many pictures of them with him – well, as many as he could find at least – thanks to the human’s technology. And Thor would look at them when no one was looking – or so he thought.

Sometimes Rocket would sit next to him and pat him on the back, and he would pull Rocket into a hug.

Sometimes Thor cried –  _alone_ – before he fell asleep.

But Thor knew Loki wouldn’t be so happy if Thor let himself down. So Thor fought – he fought himself to carry on with his life.

 

 _Time can bring you down_  
_Time can bend your knees_  
_Time can break your heart_  
_Have you begging please, begging please_

It had been years – it felt a lot longer in Thor’s head, but the memories of Thor and his lover were so fresh on his mind. He thought back to them every  _single_ day.

It broke his heart.

Even the happiest memories of them became the saddest ones.

And Thor realized he could  _never_ –  _never ever_ – get them back.

He could never bring his love back.

 

 _Beyond the door_  
_There’s peace I’m sure_  
_And I know there’ll be no more_  
_Tears in heaven_

 

Thor had been keeping himself busy with whatever he could find. He knew it drove his mates mad, but they never complained – somehow, they understood.

Nebula was always there for him. She was cold, but Thor could sense the warmth in her heart and Thor appreciated it.

Thor was sure Loki had found peace by now. Of course, Loki didn’t have to deal with Thor’s stupidity anymore nor the many enemies they had been fighting over the years. Or even the fights they had between themselves.

There was no more of that in heaven – in Loki’s heaven.

Thor wondered if Loki was happy where he had been all these years after his death.

Because Thor sure hoped his sweetheart had been happy – he wouldn’t want otherwise for his love.

 

 _Would you know my name_  
_If I saw you in heaven?_  
_Would you be the same_  
_If I saw you in heaven?_

Would Loki still remember Thor?

Would Loki even remember Thor’s name?

Or Loki’s own name?

Would Loki remember anything about them at all?

Would Loki still be the same soul Thor had known?

 

 _I must be strong_  
_And carry on_  
_‘Cause I know I don’t belong_  
_Here in heaven_

Because Thor loved Loki with his whole heart and soul – Thor’s soul  _belonged_ to Loki and Thor’s soul had been gone when Loki was  _gone_.

But Thor carried on.

Thor kept telling himself that Loki could be looking at him from somewhere – watching him living his life. So Thor had to fight – fight with his own sadness.

With the heaviest weight in his chest, Thor put the memories of Loki aside. He stood tall again.

 

_**‘Cause I know I don’t belong  
Here in heaven** _

 

 **_Dear Loki Odinson,_ **  
_I will join you shortly when my time comes. My dear brother, my dear lover, I wish nothing, but the best for you – wherever you are right now. I hope you are watching me. I hope you see that I am trying my hardest to make you proud._  
_Loki, you are the love of my life and no one will ever, ever replace you. You hold the most special place in my heart and soul. You need not worry about it at all._  
_I hope when I meet you again in heaven, you will still remember me and us, and we can be together again – and forever this time._  
_Until that time comes._  
**_Thor Odinson._ **

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first time writing thorki and I wrote this after Endgame  
> anyway, If you like what I do and you want to support me, here is my ko-fi:  https://ko-fi.com/parkersjjj


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